Resources
Reasons a Victim Stays in or Leaves an Abusive Relationship
Reasons You Stay in an Abusive Relationship
- You fear your abuser will become more violent, perhaps fatal, if you try to leave.
- You want to protect your partner’s and your family’s images.
- Your partner is your support system, even though he is abusive. Psychologically, he has destroyed your outside relationships.
- You think this time will be the last time; he will change.
- You fear being a single parent with a reduced income.
- You fear he will stalk you and harass you at your workplace.
- You do not realize you have the right not to be abused.
- Your only desire for change is not to be abused.
- You fear living alone.
- You were raised in an abusive home, and this feels normal.
- You think the abuse will stop if you will only . . .
- Religious and cultural beliefs keep you in the marriage.
- You stay for the children; any father is better than none.
- Your confidence has deteriorated as a result of continuous put-downs, name-calling, or other forms of abusive behavior.
- You have no place to go. Often friends and family are not helpful.
- You have feelings of powerlessness and fear.
- You believe that all you have in life is your family, house, children, husband, and/or marriage. They are your responsibility, and you must fix whatever goes wrong.
- You believe divorce is not a viable option.
- Your partner is not always abusive. After the violence, he is often contrite, asking for forgiveness, promising to change, and acting like the model father and husband . . . for a while.
- You feel trapped and do not know about help services.
- You believe that if you disclose the secret, no one will believe you. He is a pillar in the community and/or church.
- You believe the law will not take you seriously and that he will not be punished.
- You fear the complexities of the legal system. Lawyers are expensive.
- You still love him.
Reasons You Leave an Abusive Relationship
- You believe the next abusive incident could be fatal.
- He is either sexually or physically abusing the children.
- The children are acting abusive, and you realize you need to remove them from the abusive situation.
- You are informed of available help via Internet, radio, TV, church, etc.
- You are encouraged by other women who have left.
- A friend, family member, counselor, or church leader gives you the support you need.
- You are learning to truly love yourself.
